I wasn't going to write more than I already had regarding Vinny. Then Sis called and told me people want to follow his story, the good, and the bad. So here it is...
Monday night, I left Lauren's show in Orange County at 11pm. I got to the Blaine offramp in Riverside at 11:45pm. I was tired, but my mind was wide awake.
There he was. In the same green shirt, same black hat, same blank stare I'd seen before. Opposite of me, his body was awake, but his mind was tired.
I got the green light and drove by, waving a peace sign to him. He waved back, with a weak, "Hey Bec." Dolly was with him, the new girl on the streets, and I wanted to meet her anyway.
To the 76 station I went. Looked for the attendant to tell him I was parking to go see Vinny, but he was long gone. It was midnight by now. Not many people were out.
I had almonds, but he only has two teeth and can't eat them so I walked over empty handed, full hearted and ready to talk. He didn't even move when I got there. Just kept standing there, leaning on the guard rail, with his sign reading, "Betcha can't hit an old vet with a quarter!"
"Hi, I'm Becca. You must be Dolly," I said to the blonde lady sitting on the ground.
Vinny told me the week before about Dolly. He told me to look for her. She was blonde, late 40's, new to the streets and he was showing her the ropes. Someone stole her backpack that previous week and she was feeling low, so he wanted me to give her words of encouragement whenever I did see her.
"I am Dolly! It's nice to meet you, Becca." She gave me a light smile, then laid down, put a fleece blanket on the ground, then covered her entire body and head to keep the crickets from jumping into bed with her.
I walked over five feet to Vinny. Still staring out to an empty offramp.
"Hey Vinny," I said slowly.
"...hey"
::silence::
His eyes got teary, he wasn't looking at me yet.
"So... my bike got stolen today," he said as he slowly turned his eyes to me.
"Oh Vinny," I said, "AGAIN?"
Dolly jumped up from her bed, shaking her hair out, battle lost to the crickets, "Wait, it's already happened?"
"Yeah," I told her. "That's two times this month."
I looked to Vinny again, getting teary myself, "Vinny I'm so sorry."
"That's okay, at least they cut my bags off before taking it."
{God, please give me the words to say to this man. Or send either Pastor Eric or Johannes to come save me with their words; however I know that's impossible at this hour for either one of them to be conveniently coming off this ramp. Back to my original prayer. Please give me the words to say. Please. Amen}
::silence::
"Ya know, all we gotta do in this world is live and die. Sometimes, I just wish it would hurry up."
{What is he saying, why is he saying this... Ohhhhh God where are you?}
"I just don't want to keep on living like this. I think Jesus loves to pick on the miserable because I am absolutely miserable. Why does He keep doing this to me?"
"Vinny..."
"No, you know what, I think Jesus is running from the battle He has with Satan. He's a COWARD! Why doesn't He just end it all? End it all right now."
::silence::
"Vinny... He won't give you more than you can handle. He picks on the strong, not the weak."
"Yeah well, what's the point of me praying anymore anyway. I ask, he never answers."
"He always answers, it's just not always what you want to hear."
"I don't want to be here anymore."
::silence::
"I tell you what, I didn't pray for that man to steal my bike, nope. I'm a good man, and bad shit just keeps happening to me and I'm tired of it."
::silence::
"And no one gives a shit about me. You think my family is out there looking for me? Hell no, I wouldn't want to see them anyway even if they did."
::silence::
"And why do the rich have everything? They're evil, all of them. I have nothing, and keep being thrown to the ground."
"Blessed are the-"
"I don't give a rat's ass. Jesus wants to keep making my life miserable. He's a coward. So one man sinned, and we're all sinners living in misery for the rest of time? That sounds selfish if you ask me."
"Vinny, I wish I had words."
He stopped, looked at me with tearful eyes, and he smiled.
"That's okay. Sometimes the best listeners are just that. You don't have to say anything. I'm thankful you're here."
{Thank you}
"That's the spirit. Hold on to the good in life. Look at Dolly. You have a companion now. Look at your stuff, you still have that. Look at Stacey and I, we love you. And whether or not you believe it, Jesus hasn't left you."
"...yeah I guess so. I'm just tired of it sometimes. I'm okay though, and I'll get another bike tomorrow from a friend."
"Then I'd better get you a bike lock," I said jokingly trying to lighten the mood.
We both laughed, but inside we were both desperate for a change. I left that night, feeling defeated and totally heart broken. I was afraid to leave him, in fear he might take his life. I prayed for words, and God gave me silence. Maybe there was a reason for that.
Hopefully we'll find out soon.
_____
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." -Phillippians 4:6
"Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer." -Psalm 4:1
"Some of God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers." -Garth Brooks
No comments:
Post a Comment