Giving Up On God - Vinny {Part 2}

I wasn't going to write more than I already had regarding Vinny. Then Sis called and told me people want to follow his story, the good, and the bad. So here it is...

Monday night, I left Lauren's show in Orange County at 11pm. I got to the Blaine offramp in Riverside at 11:45pm. I was tired, but my mind was wide awake.

There he was. In the same green shirt, same black hat, same blank stare I'd seen before. Opposite of me, his body was awake, but his mind was tired.

I got the green light and drove by, waving a peace sign to him. He waved back, with a weak, "Hey Bec." Dolly was with him, the new girl on the streets, and I wanted to meet her anyway.

To the 76 station I went. Looked for the attendant to tell him I was parking to go see Vinny, but he was long gone. It was midnight by now. Not many people were out.

I had almonds, but he only has two teeth and can't eat them so I walked over empty handed, full hearted and ready to talk. He didn't even move when I got there. Just kept standing there, leaning on the guard rail, with his sign reading, "Betcha can't hit an old vet with a quarter!"

"Hi, I'm Becca. You must be Dolly," I said to the blonde lady sitting on the ground.

Vinny told me the week before about Dolly. He told me to look for her. She was blonde, late 40's, new to the streets and he was showing her the ropes. Someone stole her backpack that previous week and she was feeling low, so he wanted me to give her words of encouragement whenever I did see her.

"I am Dolly! It's nice to meet you, Becca." She gave me a light smile, then laid down, put a fleece blanket on the ground, then covered her entire body and head to keep the crickets from jumping into bed with her.

I walked over five feet to Vinny. Still staring out to an empty offramp.

"Hey Vinny," I said slowly.
"...hey"

::silence::

His eyes got teary, he wasn't looking at me yet.

"So... my bike got stolen today," he said as he slowly turned his eyes to me.
"Oh Vinny," I said, "AGAIN?"

Dolly jumped up from her bed, shaking her hair out, battle lost to the crickets, "Wait, it's already happened?"
"Yeah," I told her. "That's two times this month."
I looked to Vinny again, getting teary myself, "Vinny I'm so sorry."
"That's okay, at least they cut my bags off before taking it."

{God, please give me the words to say to this man. Or send either Pastor Eric or Johannes to come save me with their words;  however I know that's impossible at this hour for either one of them to be conveniently coming off this ramp. Back to my original prayer. Please give me the words to say. Please. Amen}

::silence::

"Ya know, all we gotta do in this world is live and die. Sometimes, I just wish it would hurry up."
{What is he saying, why is he saying this... Ohhhhh God where are you?}
"I just don't want to keep on living like this. I think Jesus loves to pick on the miserable because I am absolutely miserable. Why does He keep doing this to me?"
"Vinny..."
"No, you know what, I think Jesus is running from the battle He has with Satan. He's a COWARD! Why doesn't He just end it all? End it all right now."

::silence::

"Vinny... He won't give you more than you can handle. He picks on the strong, not the weak."
"Yeah well, what's the point of me praying anymore anyway. I ask, he never answers."
"He always answers, it's just not always what you want to hear."
"I don't want to be here anymore."

::silence::

"I tell you what, I didn't pray for that man to steal my bike, nope. I'm a good man, and bad shit just keeps happening to me and I'm tired of it."

::silence::

"And no one gives a shit about me. You think my family is out there looking for me? Hell no, I wouldn't want to see them anyway even if they did."

::silence::

"And why do the rich have everything? They're evil, all of them. I have nothing, and keep being thrown to the ground."
"Blessed are the-"
"I don't give a rat's ass. Jesus wants to keep making my life miserable. He's a coward. So one man sinned, and we're all sinners living in misery for the rest of time? That sounds selfish if you ask me."
"Vinny, I wish I had words."

He stopped, looked at me with tearful eyes, and he smiled.
"That's okay. Sometimes the best listeners are just that. You don't have to say anything. I'm thankful you're here."

{Thank you}

"That's the spirit. Hold on to the good in life. Look at Dolly. You have a companion now. Look at your stuff, you still have that. Look at Stacey and I, we love you. And whether or not you believe it, Jesus hasn't left you."
"...yeah I guess so. I'm just tired of it sometimes. I'm okay though, and I'll get another bike tomorrow from a friend."
"Then I'd better get you a bike lock," I said jokingly trying to lighten the mood.

We both laughed, but inside we were both desperate for a change. I left that night, feeling defeated and totally heart broken. I was afraid to leave him, in fear he might take his life. I prayed for words, and God gave me silence. Maybe there was a reason for that.

Hopefully we'll find out soon.

_____

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." -Phillippians 4:6

"Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer." -Psalm 4:1

"Some of God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers." -Garth Brooks

Race to Rim Fire

Life has just been one big messy blessing lately. Currently, I'm writing you from the northbound train from San Diego after spending a couple days in Baja, watching the sun set over the ocean. No complaints here; just a few good stories. 

Earlier in the month, my family officially welcomed Sean to the family after 12 years of these two knuckleheads realizing what's good for them. The wedding was perfect; great weather, I didn't botch my speech, and our family escaped some potentially hazardous blowouts. Great success. 

After the wedding, I bolted up to Groveland to spend the rest of the summer on the Tuolumne River. I think I'm officially done living in the city. Mountain living is pretty simple. It's nice to be completely disconnected with no cell service or internet unless seeking it out. 

Scott and Vanessa came up for a pretty exciting weekend. Scott is a long time friend of both Andrew and I - also the reason we met. They wanted to raft, so we made it happen. Cooper took us out on a private trip down Cherry Creek, which is said to be the hardest river in the United States, boasting over 12 class V rapids. With only three hours of sleep, Scott and Vanessa were fired up and we only had one swim, when Scott decided to jump OUT of the boat on a high side down the class V rapid, "Blind Faith." 

The next day was the annual Cherry Creek Race, which starts at the confluence of Cherry Creek and the Tuolumne and ends 6.5 miles down at Lewis's Leap. Andrew set the new record for the short boat race and then was pushed back to 2nd place when Sam, the Tuolumne photo kayaker, passed with a 20 second lead. After the race, we all went to Lumsden Bridge Campground and noticed a fire on the other side of the hill. No one thought much of it, until Ranger Bob Stanley came to tell us midway through the awards ceremony that we needed to evacuate. "It's not gonna burn," came from the pouting mouths of many. Little did we all know. 

By the next afternoon, the fire spread impressively up the north side of the canyon. Once or twice a day, we'd drive up and watch in awe from a safe lookout on the other side. By day three, it crossed to our side of the canyon and we were evacuating the guide house in Groveland, packing up all rafts, vans, trucks, gear, and household items. The number of acreage was up to 10,000 and we thought it was incredible to have grown that big. Everyone left town that morning so the crew was slim. The 10 of us got in the company van once it got dark, drove to our lookout that was once safe, but burning by the time we got to it. Everyone but a few people left town with fingers crossed. It's now up to 165,000 acres and only 1.5 miles from the guide house. Pretty amazing to watch nature take its course. No more second-guessing the ranger.

I’ll be in San Diego for a weekend of Britney's bachelorette shenanigans, then back to paradise in the beloved Mexico. The rest of the summer will be spent in Baja with a hopeful swell coming in next week. Andrew leaves for Africa on September 9th and I'm not sure my plan yet but that seems to be the way I like it these days. Nos vemos. 

Here are some more photos from the weekend compliments of Scott Leduc:

Celebrating Andrew breaking a record

Award ceremony

Rim Fire in its infancy stage 

This road eventually burnt down 

Vanessa, Andrew, me, Cooper, Scott 

Praise You in This Storm

I can't take credit for the title of this blog but I also can't think of a better one. I've always been one to stay away from the news because it's depressing and frankly when I see that the "breaking news" on CNN reads "Britain's Prince William marries his college sweetheart," I get really angry. When Stace called me this morning and she said "pray for Alabama," I had no idea what she was talking about.

After her reaction that made me feel like the worst person on earth, I started to re-think my perspective on watching the news. Yes, it's depressing. Yes, there is nothing but crime, death and negativity, but instead of turning it off, I should be praying for these events and people effected by it. Prayer is a powerful thing and sometimes all it takes is a reminder from your younger yet wiser sister of what our job here on earth is really about.

Scenario in Haiti today: As they sort through the rubble, Emmanuel is stunned to find a card amongst the broken bricks: “it was someone’s birthday”.
It’s a poem, in French:
Yesterday has passed
Tomorrow is mystery
Today is a gift
This is why we call it present
The biggest day of your life is today
You future is based on today
enjoy your gift of today
for success and flawless joy
may the master and architect of the universe
show you the path to follow
Happy birthday

It was from a fellow student, to the principal of the school.

Haiti is still rebuilding and trying to find pure drinking water.
Japan's death toll climbs, leaving half a million homeless.
The middle east has become one huge war zone taking lives of everyone including women and children.
Alabama has the largest death toll by tornado.
We are turning unemployed into homeless.
World hunger reaches 925 million.
US Soldiers fighting and dying 10 years later.
Terrorism keeps striking.
....the list goes on


John 16:33 "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”