Siempre Means Always

I grew up in an amazing church with a pastor who taught how to love at a young age. Pastor Eric Denton and church, Central Community, founded Siempre Para Los Ninos in 2004 in Tijuana. Even though I switched churches on him since moving away for college, Eric and his wife Debi always take me in as family, and I will always come back for these kids.

Lewis, one of my favorites 

She'll warm up to me one day - they always do! 

(Almost) the whole gang 

"If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have it begin with the children." -Gandhi

Third Time's a Charm - Vinny {Part 3}

After last night's hour of heart break with Vinny, his anger, doubting of God, and giving up hope, I really needed a night  to catch my breathe. 

Getting onto the freeway, I looked back to the offramp to see if Vinny was there. I had red vines, cereal, and a bike lock to deliver in hopes to make up for his previous night of despair. He was there, so I was excited to catch him on the way home. 

So I went to Barnes and Noble,  picked up the book I've been meaning to for over a month, and looked for a corner to sit on the floor and read. I can spend hours at the bookstore, and I often times do, reading a book to see if I actually want to buy it. No open corners. It was crowded. I had a happy delivery to make anyway so I bought my book and headed home. 

I got off the freeway only to find empty sidewalk. Where the heck? I drove around, went to Rite Aid for a chocolate chip ice cream cone (I love solo date nights, dontjudgeme), then finally went back around full circle. I started at the 76 station and decided I'd make my way back and if I didn't see him, then maybe tomorrow. 

I drove by 76, and saw a green shirt inside the store. Jackpot!

I pulled up to Vinny, Sam (the attendant), and another guy with a van. He has just been delivered a new bike. When Vinny saw me, he yelled back to Sam, "Look! She's here! I told you she'd bring me a lock!" Sam and his friend turned around to me but I was looking at Vinny's face. Pure joy. 

I told him Stacey went straight to Target after hearing about his bike being stolen, and she bought a bike lock along with half a tub of red vines. He told Sam we were like two daughters looking after him. 

"Well," Sam said, "that's good and I'm happy you're in a better mood because last night you were so angry." Apparently I wasn't the only one who got the cold shoulder. 

But you know what Vinny said?

"Yeah I was... but hey! Today is a new day for new beginnings and I'm going to focus on that." 

This is a photo of Vinny, Sam, and Vinny's new bike (and bike lock around his neck so he wouldn't lose it.) I should really get a camera, but until then, enjoy the flip phone photo. 

 

At home opening my new book, The Irresistible Revolution, the first line caught my attention:

"While the voices of blockbuster movies and pop culture cry out for a life outside the matrix of numb efficiency, Christianity often has offered little to the world, other than the hope that things will be better in heaven."  

I dunno, why can't we make them better for people like Vinny today? 

______

"There is a lot that happens around the world we cannot control. We cannot stop earthquakes, we cannot prevent droughts, and we cannot prevent all conflict, but when we know where the hungry, the homeless and the sick exist, then we can help." -Jan Schakowsky

"If God's love is for anybody anywhere, it's for everybody everywhere." -Edward Lawlor

Giving Up On God - Vinny {Part 2}

I wasn't going to write more than I already had regarding Vinny. Then Sis called and told me people want to follow his story, the good, and the bad. So here it is...

Monday night, I left Lauren's show in Orange County at 11pm. I got to the Blaine offramp in Riverside at 11:45pm. I was tired, but my mind was wide awake.

There he was. In the same green shirt, same black hat, same blank stare I'd seen before. Opposite of me, his body was awake, but his mind was tired.

I got the green light and drove by, waving a peace sign to him. He waved back, with a weak, "Hey Bec." Dolly was with him, the new girl on the streets, and I wanted to meet her anyway.

To the 76 station I went. Looked for the attendant to tell him I was parking to go see Vinny, but he was long gone. It was midnight by now. Not many people were out.

I had almonds, but he only has two teeth and can't eat them so I walked over empty handed, full hearted and ready to talk. He didn't even move when I got there. Just kept standing there, leaning on the guard rail, with his sign reading, "Betcha can't hit an old vet with a quarter!"

"Hi, I'm Becca. You must be Dolly," I said to the blonde lady sitting on the ground.

Vinny told me the week before about Dolly. He told me to look for her. She was blonde, late 40's, new to the streets and he was showing her the ropes. Someone stole her backpack that previous week and she was feeling low, so he wanted me to give her words of encouragement whenever I did see her.

"I am Dolly! It's nice to meet you, Becca." She gave me a light smile, then laid down, put a fleece blanket on the ground, then covered her entire body and head to keep the crickets from jumping into bed with her.

I walked over five feet to Vinny. Still staring out to an empty offramp.

"Hey Vinny," I said slowly.
"...hey"

::silence::

His eyes got teary, he wasn't looking at me yet.

"So... my bike got stolen today," he said as he slowly turned his eyes to me.
"Oh Vinny," I said, "AGAIN?"

Dolly jumped up from her bed, shaking her hair out, battle lost to the crickets, "Wait, it's already happened?"
"Yeah," I told her. "That's two times this month."
I looked to Vinny again, getting teary myself, "Vinny I'm so sorry."
"That's okay, at least they cut my bags off before taking it."

{God, please give me the words to say to this man. Or send either Pastor Eric or Johannes to come save me with their words;  however I know that's impossible at this hour for either one of them to be conveniently coming off this ramp. Back to my original prayer. Please give me the words to say. Please. Amen}

::silence::

"Ya know, all we gotta do in this world is live and die. Sometimes, I just wish it would hurry up."
{What is he saying, why is he saying this... Ohhhhh God where are you?}
"I just don't want to keep on living like this. I think Jesus loves to pick on the miserable because I am absolutely miserable. Why does He keep doing this to me?"
"Vinny..."
"No, you know what, I think Jesus is running from the battle He has with Satan. He's a COWARD! Why doesn't He just end it all? End it all right now."

::silence::

"Vinny... He won't give you more than you can handle. He picks on the strong, not the weak."
"Yeah well, what's the point of me praying anymore anyway. I ask, he never answers."
"He always answers, it's just not always what you want to hear."
"I don't want to be here anymore."

::silence::

"I tell you what, I didn't pray for that man to steal my bike, nope. I'm a good man, and bad shit just keeps happening to me and I'm tired of it."

::silence::

"And no one gives a shit about me. You think my family is out there looking for me? Hell no, I wouldn't want to see them anyway even if they did."

::silence::

"And why do the rich have everything? They're evil, all of them. I have nothing, and keep being thrown to the ground."
"Blessed are the-"
"I don't give a rat's ass. Jesus wants to keep making my life miserable. He's a coward. So one man sinned, and we're all sinners living in misery for the rest of time? That sounds selfish if you ask me."
"Vinny, I wish I had words."

He stopped, looked at me with tearful eyes, and he smiled.
"That's okay. Sometimes the best listeners are just that. You don't have to say anything. I'm thankful you're here."

{Thank you}

"That's the spirit. Hold on to the good in life. Look at Dolly. You have a companion now. Look at your stuff, you still have that. Look at Stacey and I, we love you. And whether or not you believe it, Jesus hasn't left you."
"...yeah I guess so. I'm just tired of it sometimes. I'm okay though, and I'll get another bike tomorrow from a friend."
"Then I'd better get you a bike lock," I said jokingly trying to lighten the mood.

We both laughed, but inside we were both desperate for a change. I left that night, feeling defeated and totally heart broken. I was afraid to leave him, in fear he might take his life. I prayed for words, and God gave me silence. Maybe there was a reason for that.

Hopefully we'll find out soon.

_____

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." -Phillippians 4:6

"Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer." -Psalm 4:1

"Some of God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers." -Garth Brooks

Conviction Meets Calling

Three months ago, on June 2, 2013, my life was changed forever. All because of one man.

Stace and I had just gotten out of church to meet my dad for dinner. We were running late, and she wasn't paying attention when she rear ended a limo driver who spoke very little English. Frazzled, she spoke with her insurance while I kept the man in good spirits. 

We were on our way after 20 minutes or so, had dinner, laughed it off with my dad, all was fine. Except Stacey was still beating herself up for having been so oblivious to the car in front of her. 

It was late, we were tired, both in need of a mood lifter. 

That's when we saw a homeless man, sitting on the ground, not really paying much attention to people driving by. All day, every day, someone is standing on this corner begging. This man couldn't be bothered. He didn't even look up. 

We got the green light. "Whew" is usually the sigh of relief for most people. No one likes to be the person stopped at the red light next to a homeless person looking you right in the eyes, hoping for something. Not us. This was what we needed. 

Stacey looked over at him as she drove past him. Then she looked at me. 

"I feel like we need to get that guy something," she said. 

"Yeah? Like what?"

"I dunno, let's go to the gas station." 

{As a side note: I am a total softy when it comes to homeless people. You might disagree with this next statement, but in truth, I simply don't care. My Nonnie taught me that God put that person in front of you to give; not to judge. Whatever they do with it afterwards is between them and God. It's not your sword to swing, you did your job. Take that however you want; it's not for everyone} 

We parked, picked up some red vines (because who doesn't love red vines), water, and some other random things we both thought we'd want if we were on the streets. We asked the attendant if he wouldn't mind us parking at the gas station for a bit while we walked down the street. 

We were on our way to see the homeless man, in hopes to maybe pray over him and shed some light on a dark, lonely evening.  We were not prepared for what happened next. 

He appeared to be on the streets for a while. He was in his late 50's sporting a massive beard, long grey hair, a hat, and a serious runny nose. 

He was happy to see two young ladies heading his way, and we... well we were all of a sudden in a hurry to get out of there. He spoke fast, but not jibberish. He was educated. Very educated. Clearly he was on something, but we didn't know what. "I LOVE red vines!" Well, at least we nailed that one. 

We gave each other the "let's give this five minutes and get out of here" look, but he just kept on talking about this and that. He told me, "I bet you don't last 20 minutes talking to me because by that time, this snot will reach the bottom of my nose and you'll be so grossed out, you'll run." 

He was right. It was gross. But something happened. We stayed. We listened. We quietly prayed. 

An hour later, the snot reached well beyond the bottom of his nose. He was becoming very passionate about his rants and with every word, I would just stare at it... waiting for that slimy goo to come flying across and hit me in my own mouth. 

We found out his name was Vinny. He was 57 years old and had been on the streets for 26 of those years. We wanted so badly to just pray over him, and be on our way, maybe to catch him again on a sober day. This wasn't turning out the way we had planned... does anything? 

Late turned into really late, and we needed to get going. That's when a friend of Vinny rolled up on his bike. His name was Randall. By this time, Vinny was tired of talking to us, so he want back to his post, sat down, and continued rambling to himself. 

Randall was well kept, very sober, and didn't appear to be homeless (he told us later he has a place to stay, but that's about it). With his bike and cigarette in hand, he asked how - and what - we were doing in the area. 

We explained our night, how we saw Vinny, and felt the pull to come meet him before heading home.

"Vin Dog is a real good friend of mine," he said. "That man needs a lot of prayer." 

Stacey looked at me, with eyes lit up. 

"Actually, that's why we came over here. We were hoping to pray over him," she said. 

"Well," he replied, "why don't we do it now?" 

Wow...

Stace and I looked at each other, completely taken back by his response. 

"Absolutely," we both said. 

Without hesitation, he put his bike down, along with his cigarette, grabbed both our hands, and he prayed right there with traffic flying by us. I squeezed Stacey's hand in disbelief. 

"Dear God, I thank you for this night. I thank you for all the beauty in this world and for people like Stacey and Rebecca, for stopping by and spending time with Vinny. He needs your help and we ask for you to watch over him." 

We were both weeping. I don't even remember what else he said in his prayer, and it didn't matter. I was blown away.  We left, moods beyond lifted, knowing we'd be back to visit Vinny, even if he didn't remember talking to us. 

Two weeks later, Stacey passed him off the freeway, with red vines in her hand ready to pass off. 

"Hi Stacey!!"  

No. Way. He remembered. 

She called me and told me to go see him. So I did. And he was sober. 

He apologized for that night, and he opened up to me about his life growing up in Huntington Park, his daughter Heather (somewhere out there), the day his cousin offered him methamphetamine in his teen years to kick a migraine, and how he wished it never happened. He hates when people drive past him just to yell at him to get a job, he loves mixing every kind of cereal he can get his hands on, pouring milk straight into the box, and eating it just like that. He told me he'd rather have 20 minutes of conversation with someone than $100. 

I've seen him a number of times since then, and the gas attendant now knows who I'm going to visit, bringing him a few of his favorite things, and meeting some of the other guys (and girl) in the neighborhood. He lives right behind Sandals Church, and my hope is to one day have him accept my invite to a service. 

Today, I went to the Woodcrest campus and it was the most powerful service I've been to in years. God reached right into my heart and tugged on the strings. So much so, that I wept the entire time. It was a service of prayer. Pastor Matt asked us to write down a name that only we can reach (Philemon 1:4).

I wrote down Vinny. 

He told us to pray for the following: 

- Make God real to them, no matter what it takes.

- Block the enemy from them (God doesn't change hearts, he only softens them).

- Ask God to help me pray for them. (2 Corinthians 4:4) 

This man is the focus of my prayers, and if you see him standing on Blaine off the 215S, tell him I said so. 

"In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work, we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"

Acts 20:35

Baja Bound

Home of the free, land of the tacos.

A few minutes ago, I told Andrew's dad I probably should go home at some point.  His response to that was, "the Mexico house?" It's true; I've been in Mexico more this year than anywhere near "home."

After the Rim Fire kicked us out of the Tuolumne River guide house, Andrew, myself, and a couple friends packed up and headed south for the next few weeks.

Crossing the Mexican border has become something of nostalgia for me. My phone is turned off, driving becomes an adventure, my window is down welcoming the smell of trash burning (which I've come to love - weird?) and my cravings for tacos multiply.

Andrew's family has a house 10 minutes south of Rosarito at K55 and I wish I lived there full time. It sits over a right point break and just a minutes walk to the beach break. We never got the promised hurricane swell, but it was fun long boarding. Then there's Splash, just up the road, for a good night out to eat fish burritos for $2.00 and margaritas for $3.00.

Why would I be anywhere else? More photos from Scott Leduc:

"In Baja, we are disconnected from everything and everyone except each other. The biggest decisions we have to make are where to surf and what's for dinner."