I've learned it's much easier to forgive because the burden of resentment and anger is much heavier than the decision to let it go and look ahead. Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past and it will only become exhausting trying to picture the way it could have been.
I believe in God's greater plan and I also believe He picks on the strong. Andy used to always remind me I'm on a path in life. Certain people and obstacles are put on my path to get me where I need to go in life. I've been extremely tested lately which is fine because I can appreciate a good sweat. While some amazing people have been removed from that path, more have stepped in to remind me why I'm here.
My path right now is going in the direction of forgiveness. No one else in my life is in charge of my happiness except me. If I can't make myself happy, I'll never make anyone happy and let's be honest, making people happy is what I live for. To do that, I'm going to accept, forgive, and move on. God is LOVE.
When you forgive, you love, and when you love, God's light shines on you.
It's been a roller coaster of a year and it's only been 23 days into 2012. To start the year off, I went to Park City and have never had so much fun with a group of strangers. I knew one person out of 12ish and came out feeling as if I'd known these people forever.
I bought my ticket to Australia for September and couldn't be more excited about it. I've been wanting to get back to Indonesia so I'll be able to make that happen while I'm out there too. The more I travel, the more amazing people show up in my life to get me around. I'm ready to ditch the high heels and slacks for a while and take on the broke, brown, and barefoot lifestyle.
I finally went to Joshua Tree which is something I've been dying to do since college. I'd like to go to a different part of the park next time but we had a lot of fun anyway. Obviously. I learned a couple things about my family... My dad hates the cold and needs a new sleeping bag, Stacey hates red vines (who hates red vines?), Del Taco in 29 Palms has the greatest staff, and I love hiking at night!
After coming home from J-Tree, Sis called and told me to pray for her and the baby. We later learned she had a mis-carriage just shy of 3 months which apparently only happens to 3% of women. It's a good thing she's got little miss Jayme who will make sure mom is always happy. My sister is a huge inspiration and her strength as a wife and mother give me hope to be the same to my husband and kids one day.
Can I just say, this little girl is so full of life and love. It's so funny how she reminds my family how to love and be loved. She's got the lightest heart and is such a blessing in low times.
Just one day after hearing that news, I got home to my roommate telling me her boyfriend's brother had a stroke due to bleeding in his brain. He has a brain hemorrhage which is hereditary and he spent a few days in ICU and is now waiting to have brain surgery. It's crazy how life takes a turn when you least expect it. We're praying for his recovery and the strength to continue in his wife to support him.
While all this is going on, Alex is in Mexico on a mission trip. I'm so proud of him and can't believe he's my younger brother. We've gotten extremely close in the last year and he has mastered the art of picking me up when I've completely fallen.
He's been on this trip and keeping us all in the loop telling us about some of the work going on down there. He prayed over prisoners, children and men who didn't speak English. He started speaking the broken Spanish he knows and by the end of his prayer, he said words were coming out he had never used before. He's truly something and I can't put words to how much I love him.
I haven't been able to work out because of my hernia (3rd time's a charm). Instead of pouting about it, I spent the most amazing, relaxing weekend with great people, overdosing on yogurt land, watching football and taking a much needed nap. I woke up this morning feeling thankful. I had a smile on my face and in my heart. I felt especially grateful for those in my life, and the realization that in darkness there is always light.
"Surround yourself with people strong enough to change your mind."
-- John Wooden
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.
"Not very long," answered the Mexican.
"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.
The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.
The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs ... I have a full life."
The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.
"And after that?" asked the Mexican.
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty, perhaps 25 years," replied the American.
"And after that?" the Mexican asked.
"Afterward? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?"
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
Know where you're going in life … you may already be there.
My niece Jayme is 19 months going on 19 years. I've been teaching her Spanish and she's catching on in the cutest way. "I love you" translates to "Te Amo" and she can't say "Becca" so she says "Bebba." When I put her to bed the other night she said "Mamo Bebba" and the sweet innocence of that child melted my heart.
She's also learning to play like Bebba. When she laughs I blow in her mouth and it makes her squeal like a pig while she tries to block my face with her hands. She then tries to pull my face towards her to do it back to me but gets so squirmy and nervous I'll do it back to her that she forgets what she's trying to do.
She talks to herself, sings out of pitch, hums herself to sleep, laughs hysterically, makes monkey sounds, and loves giving hugs. Apparently, like Bebba, she also loves to pick her nose.
My brother told me on Christmas how much he admires my selfless love. He said even when my heart is broken, I still go out of the way to make everyone happy. This made me happy to read but also made me re-think about the way I treat myself.
After a huge life change last year, I realized I need to love myself before I can truly love or be loved.
This year, my new years resolution is going to be loving myself more and sometimes even being selfish. I do a lot of things for people even if it makes me unhappy. I've always found joy in other people being happy which I won't ever change, but I think this year I really need to focus on me and what makes me happy.
My favorite Bible verse about love: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and 13 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
My friend Michael recently turned my attention to "Jim's Daily Awakenings." I really liked this one and wanted to share with everyone who looks at my blog or even my daily life. I like to think I choose happiness every day but I get caught up in all the negative things in the world and sometimes forget happiness really is a choice, and nothing else. The FISH video under it is also very enlightening and helps me cheer up at work when all I want to do is quit and travel the world.
Jim's Daily Awakenings
Ralph Waldo Emerson observed, "Nothing was ever achieved without enthusiasm." He was right. Enthusiasm works like magic. It creates energy. It makes hard work easier and more enjoyable. Enthusiasm is an antidote for discouragement. There is no better tonic for whatever happens to be wrong than enthusiasm. Conversely, when there is a lack of enthusiasm, negative emotions rise to fill the vacuum: cynicism, depression, despair.
Here is the important point: enthusiasm is more than a feeling or a character trait; it is a decision and a choice. We can all choose to be enthusiastic.
If you choose to be enthusiastic today, there will be people who think you have been sniffing glue. They will wait for you to come down off your high. They will probably even criticize you, but, don't give up. "Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."
FISH Philosophy
FISH tells the story of Seattle's World Famous Pike Place Fish Market. In this incredible workplace, employees don't just fill orders, they fill people - with fun, friendliness, attentiveness, and enthusiasm.
The work is hard, the hours long; yet these employees choose to bring amazing passion, fun and commitment to work every day. The remarkable wisdom of a Seattle fish market is inspiring organizations worldwide to create fulfilled employees and delighted customers.
Proverbs 15:13
A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.
This post is going to be a bit different than the norm. Stace and I brought my travel journal with us for the drive home from Austin. I'm going to type it out exactly how it is in the journal and while to most of you it will make NO sense, it makes the two of us laugh out loud. It's kind of unclear to most of you who is narrating but it doesn't matter because you won't understand most of this anyway :-) Love you Joben that was a great trip! -Love, Magooch
9/30/2011
Stace and I are driving home from Austin...
First stop? MOTHERS! Garden burger yumminess...
Second Stop. Snow Beach. Bee-not cool. Tangerine and blackberry snow cones make me happy.
FACE TO FACE!!!
Third Stop. Souvenir with stressed out man. Coffee cup. Check.
Fourth Stop. "I like it in the rear." Stace in the rear, bec in the back. COFFEE!!!
FACE TO FACE!!!
wait no.. 4th stop was Billy's for green tank top... too small.. maybe yellow on e-bay! Save Texas, drink BEERSKIES!!!
COFFEE!!!
P.S. Watch the road
Iced americanos are our friends. 0 for 2... no mugs... no sleeves... fail.
3:45pm Goodbye Austin...Hello...Gas station
wait... where are we? wait... is that a dog or a wiener in a sock?
"What address are we putting in the GPS?"... "uh... Albuquerque hot air balloons?..."
Note: Becca will find a hot Christian Chris McCandless...
4:00pm... we made it 1/4 mile... Friday traffic... oops
"How do you spell the city we're going to?"
"oh that's easy... a-l-b... wait"
Gas. oil. gas tank. wait... gas tank is leaking... it's now 4:35 and we've gone 1 mile... total
The old man at the gas station looks like the old man on Home Alone. Perfect.
"Where we headed? West. You know what's west? Sunsets!!!"
"Well there's one good thing about a soft top jeep... my farts only smell for about 2 seconds before the wind picks it up and carries it to the poor soul behind us..."
"I gotta pee..."
Lost of open road. Trying to sleep but Stacey's making me laugh. She can't keep quiet with country music... wait... GEORGE STRAIGHT 2X IN A ROW?!?!?! yeeeeehaaawww!!!
Snickers Gangsta
It's 6:30... I gotta pee again...
Waited until 7... Brady Hickville Texas. Pretty sure all of town as at 7-11 to stock up on beer for tonight's HS Football game...
Listening to Pat Green watching the sunset!
Stacey said my farts smell like a Hello Kitty Store... She's wrong... In fact. There is nothing right about what's coming out of me... so wrong... (i can't believe I'm blogging this)
7:21 Recap. Crying. Stomach hurts. so good. Beef jerkey. Sun Chips. 5 hour engery. Sunflower seeds. Now that's a good dinner. Recipe for disaster.
O'Doyle and turtles BOTH rule
Sun's going down. Only 9 hours to Albuquerque (We learned how to spell since earlier...yeahthatsright)
Ragtop ride and ride with my sister! Carry On!!! -Pat Green.
Random vato music... I like it!
Fam-uh-lee..made in uh-mer-ic-cuhhhhhh
can't wait for the next recap!... 8:21...
"okay the next song that comes on we have to sing in our best country accents... wait... KESHA?!?!"
NITRO!! Drop it like it's hot! woooahhhh that guy was boiling hot...
5 hour is turning me into a crazy loca muahahahahaha
uhh... apparently it took Stacey too...
ooooo!! More vato musica!!!
Dance like mom! Palms on the ground!
"How many bugs do you think commit suicide on windshields every day?"
"I dunno but that one's hangin on!"
Becca's a cheater and peaked ahead at the recap. Minus one point.
oooo mommy mommy look! a buggy! oooooo a BIG buggy!
Kickapoop River! KICKAPOOP BIRD!!!!!
Rumor has it!
hoooooly Texas, we just got to Tom Green County!
Clap clap clap clap clap RUMOR HAS IT!
Michael Voors gets the first shout out!
Another bug bites the dust SPLAT!!!
Stacey says she's sorry ahead of time for all the bad writing about to happen...
Jayme Dee... so good... Stacey and I think we sound like her. DUH. So come on skinny love just last the year. Love Bon Iver.
"Pull up on the bar!"
"It hurts, it's cramping ouooowww!!!"
I think Stacey just crapped her pants...Nope...just a big fart..."
"ewww is that you?"
"You told me to pull up on the bar!!"
6 minutes to recap and I can't wait. Can't breathe either. No really... the stench is wretched. There's nothing okay about this what just came out of her.. hooolly hamstring
what the free---way! Get off! off! now!!!
Pee at 8:20. How convenient. RECAP!
"I can't wait, recap?"
"No... it says pee at 8:20 and recap at 8:21!"
Becca doesn't flush because she wanted me to smell her "mom pee" (coffee aroma urine... gross)
Stacey - pee at 8:22... again
wow DEFINITELY not hello kitty. Sulfur explosion...
This could be the biggest mistake of the road trip so far... Taco Bell stop for dinner. I don't even like Taco Bell... Uh-Oh.
Re-calculating... SHUT UP! We know we are recalculating, we're hungry so what are you gonna do about it Candy/Barbara?!
It's a cute little kitty. "I feel so comfortable in your hands." "Guess it's just you and me now." "Saying goodbye is the hardest part of this job." Taco Bell is genius.
"Oh God it's got to be like 75º..." "It's 68º"
WE AUVE GUUUD THYYMMMME"
GPS- FAIL!
Hmmm.. I thought Carlsbad had beaches...
"I don't want to pick my boogers yet because I'll have nothing to do later..."
Pee 9:49pm in...I don't know where...
Red blinking lights in the middle of BFF... hallucinations? I really need to sleep.
11:48. Keep eyes on the road.
No recap because we haven't had much going on... told you i wouldn't be able to write much. I like driving duty better, haha I said "duty"... dooty dooty stinky booty..." It's 57 degrees now, maybe my bag of melted reeses re-hardened into 1 BIG REESES!!! yum.. BREAKFAST!
They call me thumper... SPLAT!
must...stay...awake... 1:04am
It smells like poop... did I crap my pants? Let's see.. so far I've had 2 redbulls, 1 coffee and 2 5hour energies... Kids don't try this at home.
Stacey just tried to lean over and kiss me... oh wait... she was just lifting a cheek.
She also keeps smelling rain and sniffing extra long and hard. Next time she does that I'm going to give her the butter cup from hell and it won't be a reeses peanut butter cup!
Lights turn off... where's the hole?... thaaaaaat's what she said
I just blew snot in my scarf.
Joben... dearrrrr Joben... you don't play the flute anymore...
Whyyyyy is the passenger side so FREAKING cold and why is Stacey yelling at Barbara as if she were a real human sitting on the dash telling us where to go... oh wait... because she's delusional and delirious still playing her make believe air flute.
What is it good for, HOO... HA! Welcome to Amherst, TX where we've officially lost our minds.
Over played songs on the radio:
- Keith Urban "without you"
- Rodney Atkins "Back Road"
- Blake Shelton "God Gave Me You"
- George Sraight
Recap 2:08
Stace is a better rapper than Nelly himself. True Story. We have proof.
It's now 2:10am and we made it to New Mexico! Econolodge 7.5 miles ahead. Tempting. NOPE!!
Hello Kernel Sanders, I'd like a chicken little. Thanks.
Brett Di Mano, 2nd shout out. He wasn't very nice to the one he loves.
FACE TO FACE!!! you don't know one thing about meeeeeeee. We sing better than them too.
I feel like I'm on drug. Did you know this song is about goldfish? (Penelope- Pinback)
Not one man, woman, dog, cat... or anything is on the road.
Can't open my right eyeball. Dangit.
What's a scnozberry? It's a berry from your schnoz and it's not very good.
PEEEEEEEEEEEE...
"Pull over."
"Why?"
"Gotta pee."
Hanging off the side of the car, pee splattering over our legs... is it my own or Becca's? Who cares, the feel of sweet release... OOOHHH!
Empty bladders, chug warm 5 hour energy. We are on a mission. The balloons better be sweet! Easy 5k!
What would it take to run a marathon from Clovis to the 40? NOTHING! LIGHTS! MUST GET COFFEE!!!
You know it's bad when someone says "give me the good shit" and they're talking about eye drops.
How about Aunt Chris?
6:15am... we made it to Albuquerque but not the festival. Traffic is crazy. "Wait... are you farting?... Ronchy"
Saturday 10/01/2011
We pulled off to a random park overlooking the hot air balloon festival and slept like a couple bums.
I woke up feeling very refreshed and said "wow I feel great, I must've slept like 5 hours!" "no it's been one." "SWEET! Let's GO!"
Top down, tank tops on.
Met a lady who recycles the entire neighborhoods cans on the 1st Saturday of the month. All the money goes back to the community. Thought that was cool.
On the road again... but i'm being summoned to rest. booo... Magooch is being a party pooper and says I'm being a grump. BAH! 30 minutes only...
Remember when driving through Texas felt like 3 days ago? Ohhhh wait that was this morning.. annnd still driving.
Whitening my teeth after this trip. Too much coffee.
"Wake up and live" -Bob Marley
Good thing I bought a map- make sure to read it right side up.
I need to exfoliate.
Becca thinks the rock formations look like scalloped potatoes. what the?!
"Thaaaat looks like rain ahead, maybe we should put the top up?" "Nah. Let's charge it." ... bad call
I love picking my nose.
Teach me how to buggy! PS... it's dumping now.
"ooohhhh yeahhhh!" "is that why you said it?" "Huh?"
Stace needs a new face.
6:30 Canyon Arrival YAY!
1 hour of sleep in 3 days. oh boy.
Mom sneezes are no good.
Stace is pissy and I'm laughing which pisses her off even more :-D
In bed at 7:30. so tired we can't sleep.
My farts are strong enough to kill a bear. oowwww foot cramp from hell.
Raining still and hoping to see the sun rise tomorrow.
SUNDAY 10/02/2011
"We have to go. I just pissed off a bee."
We woke up at 5 to get the sunrise at Mather Point. I had JUST gotten comfy when little miss "swisharoundtogetcomfortableallnight" finally swatted me on the back to wake up.
We got there and realized, "wait... it's 4am?!" It worked out though because it was the most quiet and pretty with the changing colors before the sun was even close to coming up. By the time the bus dropped off all the Asians who were frantically running to see the sun come up as if it were the last time, we left since we saw the best of it.
By the way, if we hear Blake Shelton one more time... hm... I got nothin...
2 cups of coffee before 8am YES!
Stacey made out with Andrew Ballengar. Gross. (DID NOT!)
Stacey's kiss list: 13.
Prospects: 5
Becca's kiss list... this might take the remainder of the trip to figure out... I kissed a lot of frogs ...
Prospect list: 3
Baby names: Boys:
Liam
Lucas
Logan
Nolan
Jackson
Reed
Micah
Kenneth
Tim
Mitchell
Robert
Austin
Dane
Max
Carson
Shane
Patrick
Christopher
William
Tanner --> Stace likes this because of Full House... wtf?
Blake
Girls:
Leah
Lakey
Kelleigh
Charlee
June
Taylor
Kori
Rachel
Paige
Nancy?
Amy
Carleigh
Lynn
Shea
McKennah
Jenna
Emma
Lucille
Unisex:
Ryan
Taylor
Reed
Kyle
Robbie
Aaron/Erin
Dogs
Stacey likes:
Coco
Henry
McCoy
Rodney
Dude
Stewart
Tanner
Becca likes:
Buddy
Lakey
Bodie
We both like:
Rufus
Dear country music,
Stay country. Jason Aldean, YOU DON'T RAP! Sugarland, YOU DON'T SING REGGAE!
Bucket List: (SS) = Stacey (BS) = Becca
Ireland (SS)
Every Brewhouse (SS)
All Baseball parks (SS)
Live in Portland (SS)
See the magic buss (BS)
Live in Santa Barbara (BS)
Go to Alaska (BS and SS)
Camp in Baja (BS)
Swim with sharks (SS)--- nooooo thanks
See a tornado (SS) ---- what the hell is wrong with you stacey
Jackson Hole (BS)
Jump on a freight train (SS)
Mt. Whitney (BS)
Have 5 kids (SS) --- now you're just crazy
Australia (BS)
Work as a barista (BS)
Lead someone to Christ (SS and BS)
Mt. Rushmore (BS and SS)
Learn Romanian and German (SS)
Africa (BS and SS)
Go to northshore in winter (BS)
So we learned how well the side steps on wranglers make for great toilet seats. The trick is crossing your left leg over the right and voi-la! Splatter proof road-side peeing.
Question asked yesterday: where does the rest of the bug go once it hits the windshield?
Jeans were a bad choice to travel in 80+ weather with the top down... in AZ
I wonder if the old couple from breakfast are feeling the effects of the brown gravy they had with their biscuits since the checker insisted it should be gray and had never been brown. Way to make them feel confident in their breakfast decision Dr. Gravy.
Sandy Patty... what happened to her?
Becca loves Shawn McDonald "I Will Rise"
Stacey just invented the world's greatest snack. Banana Oreos! Banana chips with peanut butter in the middle. I hope they have those in Heaven, not that I'll be hungry there but they are delightful!
"You're the banana of my face."
GO TO SALVATION ROCK.
Them of this roadtrip is officially Country, Christian, Coffee.
Life can't get any better than 100+ degrees driving with the top down (literally) I love life!
Gotta stretch, been in the car too long...
DOH! Nectarines confiscated :( We were just being honest. Oh well, maybe God didn't want us to eat them for a reason. at least we still have our oreo ingredients.
Becca keeps telling me the temp is 100 degrees. She must have lived on the coast too long.
I miss Texas already. I want a snowcone, hold the bee. HEY What is Becca pissed off the bee in Austin and he's been flying like hell to follow us... Not the best revenge bee since I swatted your ass this morning!
It's gonne be a great daayyyyy great day great dayyyyy.....
Jessi's dance moves, you will be missed.
Becca says we used to be the hot sisters in highschool. uhhhh we still are!
Singing Last Friday Night by Katy Perry... had a menaje twa.... wait... what's a menaje twa?
My mind forgets to tell me you were a bad idea. - Taylor Swift
Just when we thought the banana oreos couldn't get any better. Dip them in nutella. There's the revolution Alex wanted.
Ryan Bingham "Sunrise"
Head in the Heart
Alexi Murdoch
Jeffrey Foucault
Trust is something that comes easy when you've never been a victim- Face to Face
Nothing compares no worries or cares; regrets and mistakes they'r memories made. -Adele
Play "Road Goes on Forever" by Robert Earle Keen at Stacey's funeral
Play Alexi Murdoch "All My Days" at Becca's funeral and Ryan Bingham "Sunrise"
Left at 4pm Friday and got home at 4pm Sunday. Fabulous stories and sunburnt faces. Now time to see the fam and nugget!
This little blue journal has many great stories. Until next time....
