Coffee Cup Time Machine

Let's see. This day, last year,  I was sitting in my office having meltdown. The only reason I know this fun fact, is because Sis got me a 5-year journal last year before I left for Alaska. In my 5 lined entry, I wrote something along the lines of "over worked, exhausted, having a meltdown." I didn't need to write much to remember that night. It was like a movie scene with two people sitting there having coffee, talking about the past, looking up, the screen goes blurry for a moment, and boom - they are back in time.

It was 11pm and the sun was still bright as day. I was sitting at my desk, one hand holding up my head, the other holding a glass of red wine. I had just finished skyping with my sister, filling her ears with all my problems, because you know, my life was so much rougher than hers. I was living in Alaska, hiking into glaciers, running a white water rafting operation, and she was at home, running a household with two children who didn't want to go to bed. Hm.

There's this part of me, a big part of me, who always looks back at situations and wonders "what if?" It's a terrible thing really, but it's what I do. So I sit here, present day doing just that, thinking I could have stayed in Alaska, I could have gone to British Columbia to chase a love now lost. I could have gone back to California and started over. And while I've played every scenario of how my life would have ended up in either of those places, the reality was the rafting operation failed and I was forced to make a decision. 

The fate of my decisions brought me to Montana. And I'm done living in Montana. I never actually wanted to live here, but at the time, this was the best option. It's been a good year, I've done some cool stuff, but it's time to go.

So, now I have a family. A non-conventional family, yes - but family nonetheless. Yes, I had a baby. No, I'm not married. No, it wasn't planned.

Now I must make another decision. And the adult thing to do, would be considering my family for the next big adventure, right? So maybe I should move closer to family. Maybe to a neighborhood that offers all the things moms look for - safety, good schools, parks, no child molesters, yada yada. 

ehhhh

I'd rather move back to Alaska, or even Baja where safety is never guaranteed. And why can't I? Live off the land in some remote wilderness, or in a small surf village down south without people telling me how to raise my kid, mandatory vaccinations, and the newest a $10,000 fine for using too much water?! Oh California, your days are over for me. Too many people, concrete jungles, not enough trees, and apparently not enough water. 

The other option is northeast Georgia. Now... I like Georgia. Always have. They have plenty of trees, great rivers, open land, nice people and who doesn't love southern food? I can hike the Appalachian Trail any time I want with Talon on my back swatting off all the sand gnats. And my sweet little man will grow up with a southern accent and manners. 

So do I take Talon to Alaska and continue my quest for open space, bears, and independence? Or do I go to the homey state of Georgia where family and sweet tea are endless? Wherever I end up, I will be happy. And I won't look back at my decision and regret it. Because life doesn't give you the option to rewind. I have to keep turning the pages to the next chapters in life, while always remembering my favorite stories in the pages before. 

The story continues but will have to wait. I have a hungry kid staring at my boobs. And who can say no to this face?

"Wherever you go, there you are."