In 40 minutes it will be midnight, which means in 40 minutes, my sleeping, 364 day old son will wake up and be a toddler.
He's been throwing up all day because I ate cheese (I'm a terrible mother). When you find out your son has a milk allergy, and the doctor tells you no milk for either one of you, part of you dies. And because I wanted to question my doctor's intelligence, I ate cheese just to see what would happen. Happy birthday, son.
I can't really begin to explain the last year of life, but I can say - my life changed from the instant I met him. Maybe I can explain, and this might end up to be a long winded journal which no one will finish reading, but that's okay because I used to write for people, but now it seems I'm writing for myself because I can't remember anything anymore, and this is the only way to guarantee it.
People say a woman becomes a mother the instant she's pregnant, and a man becomes a dad once he holds his child. If I'm being totally honest here, that was NOT the case. Rory was in tears excited over this baby from conception, would sing to him, tell him stories, play old country, and pray over my stomach every night.
I, on the other hand, was terrified and questioned God's plans for my life, cried a lot, and even apologized to my stomach on multiple occasions because I was certain I was unfit for the job.
Then something happened on that final push, when I looked down and saw Dr. Jonas literally fumbling this tiny human because he came out swinging. When she put him on my chest, and he pushed up to look at me, my heart exploded and was filled with a love I don't think any mom can explain until they go through it. All I could say was, "you're perfect."
I was a nanny for 6 years, and a very hands on aunt for 5, but nothing could have prepared me for the rawness of motherhood. It's a constant demand and the demands change. Feed the baby, feed yourself, make sure dad feels loved, don't forget to brush your teeth, what day is it?
He makes me a better person, and maybe it's what I needed. He's coming into his personality which is pretty amazing to see. I can't wait to take him backpacking this summer and show him what it's like to sleep under the stars, catch a fish, and listen to nature. He's a special kid.
Loves:
- Brushing his teeth with mom
- Dancing to any music
- Playing the drums with every pot, pan, and bowl he can pull out
- Being outside, pointing at the moon
- Laughing at me doing downward dog - even he knows I'm terrible at yoga
- Playing with any phone he can get his hands on
- Doing everything dad does
Doesn't love:
- Sleeping alone
- Socks
- Untangling his dreadlocks
- Not being included in something
Can say:
- "Buh-bye Daddy"
- "All done"
- "Mamamamamamamamaaaa"
- "Uh-oh"
Can sign:
- More
- Brush Teeth
- Bath
- All done
