"I knew a woman years ago who was very dissatisfied in her marriage. She felt misunderstood, unappreciated, and taken for granted by her husband. She was a very angry woman. Frankly, I never expected the marriage to survive. I saw her again last winter, and guess what? She's still married to the same man. I asked her, 'How's your marriage?'
'Pretty good,' she answered. I probed a little further. 'Did he change?'
'Nope,' she replied, 'he's about the same. I changed. Now I understand him better and love him more.'
She went on to explain that her change of attitude was the result of a spiritual awakening. When her attitude and perspective changed, her relationship with her husband was altered."
Before I begin some real talk, I must thank Tara Dean for the title of this blog. We used to say it to each other every day at work as a joke, and now I find it funny how real of a statement it is. Now put on your seat belts, it's about to get real in the Whole Foods Parking Lot. I don't usually like to talk about personal things but I think everyone who follows my blog knows me well enough to know my family has had a long hard road to get back to where we are. The first picture reflects what I like to call the good years. We were poor as far as money went, but we were the most rich in happiness. Life happened, money came into the picture, attitudes changed and choices were made. I felt myself feeling like the whiter the picket fence, the darker it was inside.
When my parents were going through their separation, I felt so obligated to make sure everyone was happy, and I tried to fix my parents and the way they treated each other. I even lied to my family and told them I didn't get accepted in the study abroad program in Spain because I felt like they needed me. Finally something in me snapped when I realized, I couldn't change anything except my own life and attitude. I stopped worrying about my parents because only they could fix their marriage and their attitudes. Almost 20 years from the date of this photo, my siblings and I decided to take the same photo in the same location. We pulled together and realized that we can't fix anything, but we could choose to stay together in love even though our parents weren't going to stay married. We changed our "poor me" attitudes and made sure to make the best of what we did have - each other. I took it into even further categories of life such as baby names- it's not my kid, why do I care what people name it? The one everyone is guilty of; the people my friends date. They might not be my type but I don't have to date them so why put so much effort into making sure they fit my qualifications?
Taking it one step further, my sister and I were talking about a book that she wants me to read called 5 Love Languages. It helps you understand how your significant other communicates. She swears my parents could have stayed together if they read this. It talks about how one of us in the relationship might need more affection while the other needs acts of service (washing your car). If you know what the other person needs (what language they speak), it's easier to love them and let them feel loved. It all comes full circle when you think about it. Only I can control the way I act, feel, and love. Happiness and love are choices and nothing more. Everything is a choice, even the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with. My friend's mom told her that she wakes up every morning and CHOOSES to be married to her husband. She's not stuck with him, she chose him and does so actively every day. We choose who we want to be in life. At the moment, I choose to be unemployed and travel the world. I get a lot of criticism for it because some people think it's irresponsible, and some of the places too dangerous, but they're not going- I am. The great thing about choices is I can change them. Maybe we can all look at our own lives and choices instead of other's and see who really needs to do the changing. Most likely, it's our own.
Philippians 4:11-12
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,whether well fed or hungry,whether living in plenty or in want.
